11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize