If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
