You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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