In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I feel like abortions should bother me more
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
