He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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