Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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