Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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