Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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