can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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