i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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