I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
