It's Friday. Sex?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
