she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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