You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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