He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
