good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
its not stalking. its research.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
