I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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