i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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