Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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