How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
