Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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