He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
