; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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