i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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