My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
