Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
