He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
