I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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