so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
