So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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