she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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