Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
