The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
