Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just want to make out with him forever
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
