I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My bed smells like the plague
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
