My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
