She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
