So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
