I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
