You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize