i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
