capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
