We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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