If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
