took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
