i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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