She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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