I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
