Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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