I want you more than these girls want KFC
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
