I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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