She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
