he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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