Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
