Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize