I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize