why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
