I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
