he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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