i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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