um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
