I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
