We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
