Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
