I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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