Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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