Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
