why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize