She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
