wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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