Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
