you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
