May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
