Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize