you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
