yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
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