I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
