It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
