Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
