you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
