I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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