I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
