If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
