My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize