Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
