i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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