If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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