I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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