so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
