Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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